Only in Sleep
by Anasatsia98
Summary: "Why do you say my brothers are from Hell itself? Did you go there with them or did you stand on the sidelines and watch?"
1. Chapter 1

**Violet McGraw as Charlotte Shelby**

* * *

"Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred. Ready or not, here I come," A childish voice called, disturbing the peace of the household and echoing around the still room. The silence of the room didn't seem to bother the young girl who had spoken. Instead, it only seemed to egg her on, a wide grin crossing her face as she started began to run out of the room, her mid-back, brown hair trailing behind her and swaying wildly with each step.

"I'm gonna find you, Finn!" She called again, her voice reverberating off the walls, and she listened for any sound—from as small as a mouse scampering across the floor to as loud as a sneeze—to give her a sign in direction, her footsteps slowing down to a stop.

She didn't want to give away her spot.

She had learned from experience, and from the help of her older brother, that if the hider didn't know you were close, they were more likely to slip up. Just as she was listening to find them, they were listening to her. Finn had already won two rounds and there was no way she was going to let him beat her.

A small tapping sound bounced from near the grandfather clock in her hallway and her head snapped towards it, a giggle escaping her lips. She tried her best to tip-toe towards the grandfather clock but stumbled as her foot caught on an uneven peace of wood, her hands thrusting out in front of her in case she fell. She was quick to settle herself, not wanting to deal with her sister or her auntie's reaction to her ruining her stockings. She had already ripped a majority of the ones she owned and her sister, Ada, had just bought her a new pair just last week.

A sharp huff escaped her lips as her balance returned and she continued her journey towards the the clock. There was no doubt in her mind that Finn was hiding around there, why else would there have been a noise? Peering behind the grandfather clock, she frowned at the small gap between the wall and the back of the clock.

"Hmm," She quietly hummed to herself, her eyes darting around for any other place Finn could've been hiding. She gasped as her eyes caught sight of the curtains pulled to either side of the window, the floral fabric wavering slightly.

Creeping towards the swaying fabric, she slowly reached forward and grabbed the rough fabric before ripping it back.

"Found you!" She exclaimed, her voice stopping short as she stared at the wall. Her brows furrowed together in confusion and she looked down, a pout crossing her lips as the small, round glass object started up at her mockingly.

Bending down, she reached out and grasped the marble, the cool glass contrasting greatly against her warm palm. She couldn't stop the scream from leaving her lips as a loud thud sounded from behind her, her heart racing as she whirled around and her blue eyes wide with fright.

"You lost, Lottie." Finn's teasingly said as he leaned against the banister and crossed her arms, a cocky look on his face.

"You weren't supposed to come out," Charlotte retorted, mimicking his crossed arms, "The game's called hide-and-seek. I have to find you."

"You were taking too long," Finn shrugged, "I was getting bored."

Charlotte blinked at him, "Can we go to John's house, then?"

"No. Arthur told us we had to stay in, remember?" Finn said before making his way towards the kitchen, Charlotte trailing after him.

"But there's nothing to do here." She whined as she clambered onto one of the chairs that was near the fireplace and rested her arms on the table, "We can't even play with the ball."

"Maybe that's because you broke a vase last time we played inside," Finn sated as he sat down at the head of the table, nearest to the fireplace. Charlotte felt her face grow hot at Finn's words and she frowned.

"I wouldn't have broken a vase if you hadn't thrown it at me," Charlotte grumbled.

Finn opened his mouth to retort but it quickly closed as the front door opened before slamming shut, the loud noise echoing around the house and causing the two siblings to look at each other. They both weren't worried. They knew that nobody dared mess with them or their family, or else their brothers would beat them up.

Instead, they were curious to see who entered the house.

Sharing a look with Finn, Charlotte slid off the chair and made her way towards the kitchen door, opening it. Peering out into the living room, a smile crossed her face when she saw her eldest brother, Arthur, pacing angrily around the room. Charlotte closed the door, not wanting to anger her brother any more than her already was, and walked back towards her chair, climbing back on it.

"It's just Arthur," Charlotte said, noticing the curious look on Finn's face, "He's in a bad mood."

The kitchen door flung open and slammed against the wall, almost as if to prove her point. Charlotte could practically see the steam coming out of Arthur's ears as he stalked into the kitchen, muttering under his breath as his fist continuously clenched and unclenched.

The two younger siblings turned in their chair to watch their brother, both sharing a confused—yet intrigued—looked. Charlotte didn't have any doubt in her mind that her other brother, Tommy, had done something to piss off Arthur.

"I swear, I'm gonna fuckin kill him when I see him," Arthur angrily muttered under his breath as he yanked the long, deep green curtains aside and opened the navy doors that led to the family's business open.

Charlotte kept her eyes on her eldest brother until the doors slammed shut. Meeting Finn's dark blue eyes, she shrugged before looking back into the fire, her attention catching on the white stick between Finn's fingers.

"What's that?" Charlotte asked, leaning forward to get a better glimpse and Finn proudly held it out for her to see.

"A fag," Finn bragged, "I snatched it from Aunt Pol's purse before she left."

Leaning back, Charlotte crossed her arms and raised her brows, "If you get caught, you're gonna get in a lot of trouble."

"Well, I won't get caught," Finn stated. Charlotte watched as he reached his hand towards the fire, his hand dropping towards the embers on the log. The cigarette glowed orange as it sparked to life and Finn was quick to retract his hand before he could burn himself. Bringing it to his lips, Charlotte watched with wide eyes as he took a deep inhale.

Rough coughs racked Finn's body and Charlotte cackled as his face twisted with disgust, his lungs expelling the smoke.

"Shut up," Finn grumbled before he took another drag, this time it was much shorter.

Charlotte watched curiously as he calmly blew the smoke back through his lips, only lightly coughing after he exhaled.

"Can I try?" She asked, her icy blue eyes blinking innocently as she reached her hand forward and freezing when Finn jerked his hand back.

"Are you kidding me? Tommy'd kill me if he knew that I let you try it." Finn exclaimed and Charlotte frowned.

"He doesn't have to know," Charlotte argued and Finn shook his head.

"No way. You know that Tommy always figures everything out." Finn stated, "Plus, you're only seven."

"You're only ten!" Charlotte shot back, her hands clenching into fists at Finn's argument. She hated when her family used her age against her. Yes, she knew that she was young, but it wasn't like Finn was that much older than her.

"I'm three years older than you," Finn said, taking a shaky drag.

"So," Charlotte sassed, crossing her arms and leaning back in the chair.

"So, that means I get to do more things that you," Finn stated, about to take another drag but freezing at the sound of the front door opening. Charlotte only smiled when she saw the panic rise in Finn's eyes.

There was no doubt in either of their minds of who had just walked through the front door. Auntie Pol, Arthur, and John were all downstairs and Ada was out with some friends—but Charlotte highly doubted based on how giggly she was when she came back home. Ada's behavior often reminded her of how Martha would act when she got a letter from John.

Charlotte looked towards the kitchen door as it opened while Finn tossed the cigarette into the fire, and Charlotte watched from her peripherals as it fell lamely to the floor. Charlotte rolled her eyes at how blatantly obvious Finn had been, Tommy stopping and watching the entire exchange.

"Finn?" Tommy called, stalking towards the two children and peering into the fireplace before looking at his youngest brother, who was resting his arms on the back of the chair and looking up at him.

"Arthur's as mad as hell," Finn said, and Charlotte knew that he was trying to divert the attention to their eldest brother instead of the cigarette that rested on the floor, still smoldering.

Charlotte watched as Tommy bent down and picked up the stub of a cigarette, before holding it up in front of Finn. He was silently telling him that he had seen what he had done and wasn't impressed with his actions. With a flick of his fingers, the cigarette rested against one of the burning logs and Charlotte watched as it folded in on itself before disappearing into black ash.

Tommy's harsh blue eyes on her brought her attention back to her brother and she nodded, trying to emphasize what Finn was saying.

"He said that he was going to fucking kill you when he saw you," Charlotte added and she winced when Tommy's eyes flashed dangerously.

"What have I told you about swearing, Charlotte," Tommy said, and Charlotte lowered her head in shame. While Tommy's voice always remained relaxed and passive, it was his eyes that told her that he was disappointed. The icy blue hard and harsh in the light.

"I was only telling you what he said," Charlotte defended, and Tommy smirked at his sister's antics.

It wasn't unusual for Charlotte to try and swear every chance she had. Whether it was something she had heard from one of them or a word she heard on the street, she was sure to mimic it the moment she had a chance. Pol had explained to the family that she was trying to test her boundaries—trying to see how far she could go without getting in trouble.

"What does a ten-year-old know about hell, eh?" Tommy asked with a raised brow as he turned his attention back to Finn.

"I'm eleven Sunday." Finn shrugged and Charlotte watched as a rare smile crossed Tommy's face. Reaching a hand out, Tommy gently knocked Finn's head before ruffling Charlotte's hair, the two beaming up at him.

"Tommy," Charlotte called before her brother could leave, and he looked over to her, "Can we please go visit Ada? Arthur said we're not allowed to leave but it's so boring here."

"Go ahead," Tommy's gruff voice responded and Charlotte was quick to thank him, glad she could finally get out of this stuff house.

Turning in her chair, her light blue eyes trailed after her brother as he pushed aside the forest green curtains and open the navy door. She was not allowed inside the family business yet. She had tried to follow Auntie Pol on multiple occasions, trying to stay concealed behind her dress, and when that didn't work, she tried to slip in behind Ada or Arthur. John and Tommy were the hardest to get past. John was used to having kids running behind him so he always seemed to know where she was and Tommy seemed to always know what she was up to.

Whenever she asked why she couldn't go in yet, Arthur, Tommy, and John always gave her the same answer: she was too young. But, when she asked Ada, Ada would roll her eyes and say it was because her brother's were sexist pigs—whatever that meant. Auntie Pol told her it was because she was the youngest and her brothers wanted to protect her for as long as they could. Charlotte guessed that that made sense. Her older brothers had been drafted for war when she had been three and Finn had been five. She didn't remember much of them from her childhood and since their return, she had been getting used to her 'new' brothers.

It wasn't like she didn't know anything about them, though. Auntie Pol and Ada had made sure to keep them a constant in her and Finn's life. Whether it was shoving them the photos of Arthur, Tommy, and John before the war or telling them stories of when they were younger, the idea of her brothers was a constant.

Charlotte barely got a glimpse of the betting room as Tommy walked in. The rushed workers always blocked her view of the actual shop. Slumping in the chair, Charlotte sighed and brushed a long strand of her light brown hair out of her eyes.

"Should we go visit Ada now?" She asked, looking over to Finn, who nodded. Jumping to the floor, Charlotte opened the door and headed outside, her Mary Jane's noiselessly tapping against the ground.

The harsh winter breeze stung her face and caused her eyes to well up with tears. She would've gone back inside to get her coat, knowing full well that Auntie Pol and Ada were going to scold her for going outside unprepared, but she shook the thought off. The longer she stood outside, the less it felt cold and the less she felt the need to grab her coat. The door behind her clicked shut and she looked up at Finn with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Where were you?" She asked as they began to make their way towards the dress shop they knew Ada liked to stop in before she came home.

"You'll never guess what I found," Finn responded as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a sleek black handle. Charlotte felt her heart begin to race and she couldn't tell if it were from fear or excitement.

"Where'd you get that?!" Charlotte gaped, her eyes trailing up and down the gun in Finn's hands as they turned the corner.

"I found it on one of the betting tables," Finn said, his voice holding the same amount of excitement that Charlotte felt, "I'm pretty sure it's John's."

Charlotte furrowed her brows and looked up at Finn, "Why?"

"Because," Finn began matter-of-factly as the two turned down the last corner and approached the dress shop, "That's the table John normally works at. Do you think it's loaded?"

"Probably," Charlotte stated, "It is John's."

"Charlotte, Finn?" Ada's soft voice cut through the two's conversation and they looked up at their older sister. From the way she was staring at the two of them, there was no doubt in Charlotte's mind that she had seen the gun in Finn's hand. "What've you got there?"

"I found it in the shop," Finn waved the gun around playfully and Charlotte saw fear cross Ada's face, "Do you think it's loaded?"

But this point, Ada was rushing towards them, her eyes focused on the gun in Finn's hand. Charlotte couldn't help but wince as Ada grabbed her arm and pulled her close to her, her grip painfully tight and Charlotte thought her arm was beginning to go numb.

"Ada, that _hurts_ ," Charlotte said as she tried to pull her arm out of her sister's relenting grasp. Ada either didn't seem to notice or didn't seem to care because she ignored Charlotte's cry. Charlotte continued to try and pull her arm out of Ada's grasp as Ada talked to Finn in a hushed whisper.

"Finn, put that down before you hurt someone," Ada demanded and Finn gave her a confused look.

"Why?" Finn asked, "It's not like it's load-"

A sharp scream let Charlotte's mouth as the gun fired, Charlotte feeling the heat of the bullet whip past her face as Ada pulled her close and out of harm's way as the bullet impaled itself into the brick building behind them. The whole incident was over in the blink of an eye: Finn staring dumbly at the gun, Ada clutching Charlotte to her, and Charlotte silently letting tears fall down her cheeks, too shocked to make a sound.

"What in the bloody hell just happened!" A shout called and the three Shelby's looked up to see their Aunt stalking towards them, her eyes ablaze as she trembled with anger. Finn seemed to snap out of whatever shock he was in and threw the gun to the ground.

"I didn't know it was loaded," Finn began and Charlotte could see the tears beginning to build up in his eyes, "I didn't know."

Auntie Pol didn't respond; instead, she snatched the gun off the cobblestone road and shoved it into her purse. Charlotte watched as Auntie Pol's eyes roamed over each one of them, making sure that they were okay, and stopping on Charlotte's shaking form, her eyes hardening.

"I think it's time we head home. Finn, go straight to your room. Charlotte and Ada, go straight to the kitchen," Pol ordered and Finn only nodded his head before scampering off towards the house.

"But Auntie Pol," Charlotte began, not wanting Finn to get in trouble for something he didn't mean to do, "He didn't know that it was-."

"It doesn't matter," Her Auntie cut her off, her voice hard, "He shouldn't have been waving that fucking gun around anyway. They're not toys, Charlotte, and he needs to learn that."

Numbly nodding, Charlotte allowed Ada to pull her towards the house. She was still shaking and the tears had yet to stop, but she knew that everything was going to be okay.

It always was.


	2. Chapter 2

The cup of Earl Grey lay cold in front of Charlotte, the light brown color darkening the longer it rested. It had been a few hours since the incident and the sun had slowly started to set. She hadn't bothered to move from her spot in the kitchen, just as Finn hadn't bothered to leave his room. The kitchen was silent aside from the sound of Charlotte's calves hitting the front of the chair each time she swung them and the soft crunch from when she took a bite of the bread Ada had given her. However, based on the scraping of wood and the footsteps in the room next to her, the silence was about to end.

Soft taps of footsteps barely made a sound and, if you didn't know what was about to happen or who it was, could've been passed off as the old house creaking. But, Charlotte knew better.

"Auntie Pol didn't say you could leave your room," Charlotte said, her voice oddly calm as her light blue eyes met her brother's dark ones, "You're going to get in trouble."

"Don't act like you don't wanna know what's going on either," Finn stated as he made his way over towards the old, navy door. Charlotte didn't bother to deny or defend herself against her brother's accusations. Grabbing the piece of bread she had left for him, she joined him against the door and crouched down.

"What do you think's going on?" She whispered, giving Finn his slice before ripping off a chunk of hers.

It had become a habit for the two to listen to the Peaky Blinders conversations through the door. Even though Finn had been accepted into the group, her brothers had yet to permit Finn into being included in on the business. Ada had explained that it was because Finn was too young to help them and they hadn't found a use for him yet. Charlotte thought that sounded terrible.

"I don't know," Finn admitted before biting into the bread and looking through the small crack between the door and the wall. Charlotte opened her mouth as another question planted itself in her mind but Finn turned to her and placed his finger over his lips, signaling for her to be quiet.

Charlotte tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear before she pressed her head against the door, straining her ears to hear the conversation that was being held behind the wooden doors.

"Right," There was no doubt in her mind that it was Arthur speaking. His voice was higher than Tommy's but had the same gruff undertone to it, "I've called this family meeting because I've got some very important news. Scudboat and Lovelock got back from Belfast last night. They were buying a stallion to cover their mares. They were in the pub on the Shankhill Road yesterday, and in that pub there was a copper, handing out these."

"What's he doing?" Charlotte whispered to Finn, leaning away from the door and looking at him with wide eyes.

"Hold on," Finn grumbled, and Charlotte watched as he squinted his eyes and pressed his face closer to the door, his nose starting to bend against the door as he leaned closer, "He's handing out… papers."

"What's on them?" She pressed, and Finn looked at her, his eyes sharp and full of frustration at her incessant questions.

"I don't know!" He hissed and Charlotte raised her hands in a quick 'I- surrender' before pressing her ear back against the door.

"'If you're over five feet and can fight, come to Birmingham.'" John quoted and Charlotte's face made an 'O' shape as her question was answered. Auntie Pol always did say she needed to work on her patience.

"They're recruiting Protestant Irishmen to come over here as Specials," Arthur stated, and Charlotte winced at the harsh tone.

"To do what?" Ada's confused tone barely carried through the door and Charlotte cursed her sister for speaking so quietly.

"To clean up the city, Ada." Tommy explained, "He's a chief inspector. The last four years, he's been clearing the IRA out of Belfast."

"How do you know so bloody much?" Charlotte's eyes widened at the threatening tone Arthur's voice held and she clenched her dress, hoping that he wouldn't start a fight with Tommy.

Although she didn't know Arthur and Tommy that well before they left for the war, she had a feeling that they weren't always at each other's throats. She never asked Tommy, Arthur, or John what had happened while they were at war… it was a topic she knew not to touch. Their first week home was hectic and confusing for Charlotte.

Since Auntie Pol and Ada feared that she may never meet her brothers, they had made sure that she sent them a letter a least once or twice a week. Auntie Pol told her that she sent her first letter when she was two. It had just been a bunch of scribbles and drawings, but Auntie Pol told her that it was the fact that she had signed her letter that gave her brothers hope. She said that the next batch of letters had been asking about her and how she had been doing. What she accomplished? What her new interests were and how she was getting along with Finn? Finn had been able to write since they had left, Charlotte hadn't.

When she met them, she didn't know who they were. Their faces had changed since the war and the young photos that Auntie Pol and Ada had shown her didn't come close to describing the haunted look in their eyes. The first week of them home consisted of Tommy screaming himself awake at night and Arthur's eyes glazing over as soft murmurs of 'no' left his lips. Ada and Auntie Pol were quick to get Finn and her out of the room before they could see more, but it seemed as though Arthur had more monsters than Tommy.

"Cause I asked the coppers on our payroll." Tommy's gruff voice pulled Charlotte out of her thoughts and she squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to focus back on what was happening.

"And why didn't you tell me?" Arthur growled, and Charlotte pressed her ear harder against the door, ignoring the sharp pain that was radiating from it.

"I'm telling you," Tommy said, and Charlotte could practically see the smirk forming on his face.

"So why are they sending him to Birmingham?" Charlotte heard her Auntie Pol cut in and she nearly let out a sigh of relief. Her Auntie always seemed to know exactly when to stop Tommy and Arthur.

"There's been all these bloody strikes at the BSA, and the Austin works lately." Tommy said, "Now the papers are talking about sedition. And revolution. I reckon it's communists he's after."

"So this copper's gonna leave us alone, right?" Auntie Pol pressed, and Charlotte shared a look with Finn.

"There are Irishmen in Green Lanes who left Belfast to get away from him. They say Catholic men who crossed him used to disappear in the night." Tommy informed.

"Yeah, but we ain't IRA." She heard John say, his voice impatient and frustrated, "We bloody fought for the king. Anyway, we're Peaky Blinders. We're not scared of coppers."

"He's right," Arthur grumbled.

"If they come for us, We'll cut them a smile each." John finished and Charlotte looked over at Finn, who used his two pointer fingers to draw an elongated smile that trailed from the corner of his lips to bottom of his ears and Charlotte wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"So, Arthur, is that it?" Tommy asked, and Charlotte could tell that he didn't seem to care by the way his voice remained relaxed and even a bit… bored.

"What do you think, Aunt Pol?"

"This family does everything open. You have nothing more to say to this meeting, Thomas?" Auntie Pol said, causing Charlotte's eyes to widen. Her Auntie was dismissing Arthur for Tommy and Charlotte knew that the house was going to loud with anger tonight.

"No. Nothing that's women's business." Charlotte blinked, maybe this is what Ada meant by sexist?

"This whole bloody enterprise was a women's business while you boys were away at war." Auntie Pol stated calmly, but Charlotte could hear the annoyed undertone to her words, "What's changed."

"We came back."

The sound of chairs scratching against the floor had Charlotte scrambling away from the door and returning to her chair. Finn had already scampered back upstairs, his steps silent and calculated as she raced up the steps. Charlotte stared lazily into the fire, refusing to look at anyone who passed through the kitchen as they left.

She had learned that if she wanted to remain out of suspicion, she had to keep quiet and act as though nothing had ever happened.

That she was too young to even understand what was happening.

Taking a bite of her bread, Charlotte's heart slowed as the doors closed and she knew that Scudboat, Lovelock, and Ada had left the room and would not be returning until tomorrow. Now, all she had to was wait until Tommy and Auntie Pol left. For some reason, they were always able to tell when she had been up to something.

"Lottie," Charlotte turned in her chair to see Tommy looking at her, a knowing smirk playing on his lips, "Where's your brother?"

"Upstairs," Charlotte responded, twisting her body so that her knees were resting on the chair and her arms were resting against the back of it, looking at Tommy with her misty, blue eyes.

"And he stayed up there the whole time?" Tommy gruffly questioned, and Charlotte nodded her head, "And you stayed in that chair the whole time?"

"Yep."

Charlotte's heart pounded in her ears at the silence that followed. Still, she kept the happy smile on her face and refused to show any other emotion. She just had to wait until Tommy left, then she could relax. Finally, Tommy smirked and ruffled her hair.

"You've gotten quite good at hiding your emotions, Lottie. That'll be useful one day."

Charlotte watched Tommy leave the room, her eyes trailing after his form until the door close. Letting out a deep sigh, she dropped in the chair and stared tiredly at the fire blazing in front of her.

* * *

 _It was a month before her seventh birthday, and the day her older brothers were coming home._

 _To say she was nervous was an understatement._

 _Charlotte clung tightly onto Ada's hand as she led her through the crowds of people, her other hand clenched tightly around Finn's. Charlotte's face contorted into one of confusion as she observed the amount of women who stood on the tracks sobbing. A majority of them had small children that were either wailing or staring at their mother in confusion._

" _Now," Charlotte looked to her Auntie Pol as she spoke, the four of them stopping in front of a rusty, green bench, "You know that your brothers are arriving on this train. Do_ _not_ _let go of Ada's hand until I say so, do you understand?"_

 _Charlotte nodded and tightened her grip on her sister's hand._

 _Her heart was racing and her hands were shaking._

 _Ada seemed to notice her nerves for she squeezed Charlotte's hand quickly in reassurance. Finn, on the hand, seemed to be ecstatic. He had let go of Charlotte's hand the moment they stopped walking. He was bouncing on his toes and pulling on Aunt Pol's hand. Charlotte only shrunk closer into her sister's coat._

" _Are you nervous, Lottie?" Ada asked, looking down at Charlotte, her dark cerulean eyes dancing with excitement._

" _Yes," Charlotte responded, her voice quiet and meek as she twisted Ada's coat nervously with her free hand._

" _Why? Aren't you excited to see your brothers?" Ada questioned and Charlotte nodded. Ada tilted her head at her sister's sudden behavior. Just an hour ago, she had been bouncing off the walls with Finn in excitement, "What's wrong?"_

" _What if they don't like me?" Charlotte confessed her fear and both Ada and Pol looked at each other in surprise._

" _Oh, Charlotte," Ada said, crouching down to Charlotte's height and looking her the eyes, "They're going to love you."_

" _Really?"_

" _Yes, really. In every letter they wrote, they asked about you." Ada smiled, and Charlotte couldn't stop the smile from creeping onto her face, "They're your big brothers. They're going to love and protect you for as long as they're alive."_

" _Ada," Ada and Charlotte looked up at Auntie Pol as a breathless gasped escaped her lips and her eyes began to water, "Ada, they're here."_

 _Following her Auntie's gaze, Charlotte struggled to see past the mass of people, but it was only when startling blue eyes crashed with her, she knew her brothers were home._


	3. lull

Out of her three eldest brothers, Charlotte was the closest to, oddly enough, Arthur.

From the moment he returned home, there was just something about the two of them that clicked. This didn't mean that she wasn't close to her other brothers—she was; but, her personality was too much like Arthur's when he was younger. Charlotte and Arthur were both sensitive souls, both got rather emotional at sudden news and sometimes didn't exactly quite know how to control how they felt.

But, as stated above, Charlotte's personality was much like Arthur's _before_ the war. And, while he still had his mood swings and emotions, he was now a bundle of rage and sorrow. Both Charlotte and Arthur's nature was similar to one adult figure that the Shelby family knew well… their mother.

Mary Shelby had been the rock of the Shelby before she died. The perfect mother that had protected, cared, and understood her children and the struggles they went through. She kept Arthur from letting his emotions take control, scolded John when his pranks went too far, helped guide Ada in her world full of males, and taught Tommy to learn to forgive. While both Finn and Charlotte had been a surprise, Mary had taken her two youngest as blessings, even though she ended up losing her life to the youngest of the six.

Polly Shelby had stayed by her sister-in-laws side the entire time while her elder brother was out with a whore. Polly's love for Mary was strong—considering her an actual sister instead of a sister-in-law and valuing her over her own brother. The two raised the Shelby siblings, taking each hit and blunder together, while managing the family business.

When Mary got pregnant with Charlotte, Polly knew that the nine-months that followed would be the Lord's test.

Arthur Sr. had returned, the boys cautious to let him return to their life but caving when their mother begged them to let him in. He stayed a total of three months, leaving when Mary's dresses were getting too tight and the morning sickness keeping her up. Polly waited for the tears and shouts that came each time he left, but Mary only laughed and stood up, her hand lovingly caressing the small bump.

"We got this, Pol," She had said, her voice so much like Ada's, "We've already raised five, what's one more gonna do?"

Mary Shelby was a tough woman who continuously put up with her bastard of a husband and a business that could have killed her at any moment. But, Mary Shelby was a gypsy by heart and by blood, and she wasn't going to let a man knock down the life she had created for herself and her children.

By the fifth month, Mary's declining health began to show. Her once full cheeks became hollow, her eyes sunk in, her hands shook, and she constantly felt faint. Nevertheless, she kept the smile on her face as she raised Finn, comforted Ada, helped John with Martha and their children, calmed Arthur, and understood Tommy. No matter what face Mary put on, Pol was worried. The midwife had warned the two of them that this birth could cause Mary her death, it was going to be too strenuous for her delicate body. Mary had scoffed and left the room at the news.

She had been right.

On March 18th, at 1:23 in the morning, a small baby girl with a tuff of black hair was born.

At 1:32 in the morning on March 18th, Mary Shelby passed away.

Polly didn't remember much of that day, she tried not to remember much.

Instead, she focused down at the tiny infant in her and tried to quiet the loud wails that combined with her brothers and sister, although her were of hunger and shock while theirs were of sorrow and pain.

The baby was named Charlotte Mary-Anna Shelby.

A month had past by the time the entire family was back on their normal schedule. Polly knew that the siblings were trying their best to act as if they were fine, which, in some aspects, they were. But, she noticed the small changes in their behavior. Arthur let his emotions control his actions more often, John pulled nastier pranks, Thomas built a thin wall and acted cold to those who weren't his family, Ada fought with her more, and Finn… Finn just didn't understand what had occurred.

Polly sometimes found it hard to look at Charlotte. Her eyes reminded her so much of her mother's and it almost felt like Polly was looking into the past when she stared down at Charlotte. Her eyes were an icy blue, not as cold as Tommy's but not as warm as Ada's. The best way Polly could describe them was when you say the sky through an icicle, that cold—yet warm—color that was reflected throw the ice.

Each sibling took a different take to Charlotte but they all loved her very deeply, each seeing their mother when they looked in her eyes.

Arthur doted upon Charlotte, trying to make her smile and quieting her when she cried. Ada _loved_ to take Charlotte around town, showing her the shops and buying her clothes. John kept the smile on Charlotte's face and she never cried when he was around. Finn liked to color with her, laughing when she drooled on Ada. Tommy… Tommy kept Charlotte distant at first.

Polly wasn't surprised.

Since he was a boy, Mary was the only person in the family that seemed to understand the way that boy's mind worked. No, he wasn't as always cold as he was when he returned from war, but he did keep a wall around himself.

By the time Charlotte was four months, Tommy had let down whatever wall he build—and it's not like it affected Charlotte at all, she was a _baby_ —and surprised Polly. Tommy kept Charlotte close. Whether he had returned home after work or was eating breakfast, he never let the young girl stray from his arms.

Of course, Polly didn't think that Tommy was always going to keep the child an arms length away, but she didn't expect this turn out.

In the end, she figured it was because it was because of Charlotte's eyes. She felt as though every time Tommy looked in them, he was seeing his mother and remembering the times they had spent together, the times she understood him.

Charlotte was a happy baby and when her brothers left a month before she turned one, she had stared at Polly with her sparkling, doe-like blue eyes with a quivering lower lip. The train station was noisy and the loud shouts from the people around them frightened Charlotte, but she only cried when brothers boarded the train.

For five years, Polly feared that Charlotte might never meet the only men in her life who would _never_ stop loving her.

And for five years, Polly watched as Charlotte grew into the replica of the woman she looked up to.


	4. Chapter 3

The room was silent, not that it was much of a surprise to Charlotte. No one bothered to step foot in the church anymore, not after the war.

Not Ada, not Finn, and certainly not her older brothers.

Charlotte furrowed her brows in concentration as she picked at the loose threads that hung from her dress, the lavender color standing out against the black shawl Auntie Pol had forced her to wear.

"You better stop before you pull a hole. Ada won't be very happy with you if you do." Almost jumping at the sound of her Auntie's voice, Charlotte glanced up and frowned when she noticed that her Auntie hadn't even turned around.

How did she always know what she was doing?

But Charlotte, as the youngest, had to attend church with her Auntie Pol. For as long as she could remember, Auntie Pol would wake her at seven and have her dressed and ready to go by seven-thirty. She didn't always have to attend mass by herself, Ada and Finn had accompanied her to the large church and Ada would always hold her on her lap as she listened to the priest. Sometimes, if Ada had woken up before Auntie Pol—something that was incredibly rare—she would try and match Charlotte's outfit with her own. Whether the two both wore blue or identical dresses, Ada always had her fun dressing Charlotte up as her own personal doll. Not that Charlotte minded for it was such a rare occasion.

Gripping the edge of the bench she was seated on—her Auntie called it something else but it was such a weird word that Charlotte always struggled to remember it—Charlotte slowly began to swing her legs back and forth, her eyes flickering from her Auntie to the ivory walls before trailing to the ceiling.

After her brothers returned home, Ada slowly stopped coming to church with her, Auntie Pol, and Finn and, though she never told Ada, she missed when she and her sister would wear matching outfits. She missed spending time with her sister in general. Ever since the war ended, she was always out late and making Charlotte promise not to tell Auntie Pol, bribing her with cookies when she was hesitant to agree. Finn eventually stopped coming too and Charlotte was pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that her brothers were home, she wondered if they didn't want Finn going to church.

Sometimes, late at night when Arthur would get really drunk, he would slump himself in the chair—the one that he said he was only allowed to sit in—and, with hazy eyes, mutter about how there was no God and how her Auntie was a fool.

Charlotte didn't think her Auntie was a fool. No, her Auntie was too smart to be one… John, most definitely, but not her Auntie.

But there was always that question in the back of her head, 'is there a God?'.

Arthur wasn't her only brother to say there wasn't. John, on the days where the smile seemed almost non-existent and Auntie Pol and Ada wanted her to spend as much time with him as he'd allow her before the smile did become non-existent, would grumble at Martha's grave. Charlotte noticed that his eyes were always a little bit redder than normal and his face more flushed. Sometimes, when he got real bad, he'd scream at the sky and curse out God.

Auntie Pol told her not to mind and that John was just mad, mad at something he could have never prevented.

Tommy… Charlotte wasn't sure what Tommy thought. He was always so quiet and when he took Charlotte around town to The Garrison, she would notice the hesitation in his steps and the way his eyes would flicker to the ivory building. They always looked so angry.

When she asked Auntie Pol why Tommy hated the church, Auntie Pol said that God had taken not one, but two of Tommy's loves away and that she didn't know if Tommy could ever forgive him.

"A gentleman would take off his hat…" Charlotte blinked at the sound of her Auntie's voice as her eyes hurried to find who she was talking to. It was only when she turned around did she see the round, tall man. "And put out his pipe."

Charlotte watched with narrow eyes as the man tapped his pipe on one of the benches, tilting her head when she noticed the almost mocking manner that he carried.

"I see you Specials only dare come here when you know the boys are away at the fair." Her Auntie continued and, even though Charlotte wanted to, she refused to turn attention away from the strange man.

"You mean your nephews?" The man asked as he strolled up to her Auntie, who had yet to look at him again, "With their guns and their razors? Is it them you're lighting candles for?"

Charlotte's brows sky-rocketed when she heard this and she quickly turned to look at her Auntie as a puzzled look crossed her face. She didn't know much of her brothers' work, only what she and Finn listened too or what she heard in passing, but she knew that they didn't use guns and razors in their work. As far as she was concerned, they had horses and they placed bets on them… at least that's what she heard Arthur and Tommy fighting about once.

"No," Auntie Pol muttered, finally looking away from the candles to glance at Charlotte's confused face, "Charlotte, go home and find Finn?"

Charlotte mouth opened before her brain could comprehend what her Auntie had said, "But I don't want to."

"Charlotte," Her Auntie's eyes darkened for a moment, "Go home."

Dejectedly, Charlotte nodded her head before sliding off the bench and walking out of the church, her footsteps making a soft 'tap' sound that resonated throughout the church. She didn't waste a moment to slide off the black shawl her Auntie had made her wear, the color being far too depressing for Charlotte.

"Cute kid you got there. How old is she?" Charlotte heard the man—whom she finally had come to think of as quite ugly and angry—say as she opened the church doors.

The sunlight nearly blinded her and she stumbled back, eyes blinking rapidly as they tried to adjust to the sudden change in light. The wind that playfully pulled Charlotte's hair in every direction was ignored as the young girl made her way back to her house. She stumbled slightly when her foot tripped over an uneven patch of cobblestone and she flung her hands out to steady herself.

"Lottie? What are you doing?" Charlotte's blue eyes flickered around as she tried to spot where the voice came from. She had no doubt in her mind that it was Ada, she had yet to meet another woman's whose voice was as soft, yet threatening, as Ada's. She was quick to find Ada standing in front of a sweet shop, a bag of chocolate in her hands and Charlotte rushed over to her, desperate to have a bite of the sweet.

"Ada!" Charlotte cried, a sweet smile crossing her face as she pulled her sister into a hug, trying to be as sweet as possible in hopes that it would get Ada to give her some of the chocolate, "I've missed you!"

While it was true, Charlotte had no other reason for saying that to her besides the fact that she wanted the candy.

"I've missed you, too." Ada said, a look of bewilderment crossing her face as she kneeled down in front of the small girl, brushing the long strands of brown hair out of Charlotte's face, "But aren't you supposed to be at church?"

Charlotte shook her head, "Auntie made me leave when a man came in."

Charlotte watched as Ada raised a delicate eyebrow and tilted her head to the side, much like Charlotte did when she was confused. Standing up, Ada held out her hand and Charlotte grabbed it.

"Oh, did she."

"Yep," Charlotte said, her eyes barely straying away from the sugary treats that were mere inches away from her, "She told me to find Finn."

Ada only hummed in response and Charlotte glanced up, taking in the pondering look on her sister's face. It wasn't often that Ada thought—well, it wasn't often that Ada visibly thought—and when she did, it normally meant something bad was going on. Almost immediately, Charlotte's mind flashed to her mistake and a gasp escaped her lips as her eyes grew uncharacteristically wide. Ada looked down at the young girl and, if the situation were different, she would've laughed at the look on Charlotte's face.

"I shouldn't have left Auntie," Charlotte murmured, her brows furrowing as her mind raced through every possible scenario, none of them ending happily.

"Lottie," Ada smiled softly at her younger sister—her only sister and the only one in the family who looked so much like their mother, "If Auntie said to leave, she probably knows she can take care of herself."

Charlotte nodded numbly, her eyes staring at the ground as she thought and Ada almost snickered. She was so much like Tommy when she thought, everybody could see that. The two would grow quiet as a pondering look covered their face, their blue eyes growing hard as their mind raced and their lips parted slightly.

"Plus," Ada continued, noting that the worry had yet to slip away from Charlotte's face and Ada winced at how much older Charlotte looked, "I highly doubt he'll do something to Auntie. He's too much of a coward."

Charlotte nodded, the age somehow melting off her face, "Okay."

* * *

The kitchen always made her feel like she was safe.

She could see who entered and exited the house and she could get out of there as quickly as possible if needed.

It was also the only room in which her entire family would meet in.

It was dark outside by the time Tommy had rushed into the kitchen and Charlotte's tired eyes looked up to meet his. He had been here earlier with Arthur and John.

After Ada dropped her off at home before rushing to meet with some friends, whom of which Charlotte doubted were real, Charlotte began to make her way to the kitchen when she went to open the door, a frown crossing her face when the door merely stayed shut. Rocking back and forth, Charlotte pulled at the door with all her might… she needed to get into the kitchen.

"Oi!" Charlotte froze at the harsh voice, "Knock it the fuck off!"

A huff escaped her lips as she released the doorknob from her harsh grip and turned away, trudging up the stairs and making her anger known to those who were in the kitchen. She was sure Auntie was going to scold her later.

"Lottie," Tommy breathed, his voice gruff and Charlotte swore she saw a flicker of mischief dance in his eyes for a mere second, "Come here."

Charlotte eyed him carefully. She wasn't afraid of him—no, she would never be, she loved him too much—but her bedtime was approaching and she wasn't in the mood to deal with a punishment from her Auntie.

"You're not going to get in trouble," Tommy continued as he noticed his sister's hesitation and Charlotte pursed her lips before sliding out of the chair. Grabbing Tommy's hand, she allowed him to take her outside and down the street, towards the large bonfire.

A look of wonder crossed Charlotte's face and she could only stare in awe as the long, orange flames kissed the sky.

* * *

 _Her hands held tightly to the back of Ada's coat, her hands turning a deathly pale._

 _She had yet to be noticed by her brothers and, at the moment, she wasn't sure if she wanted to be._

 _They were so tall and so strong… they could crush her if they so wished._

" _Where's Charlotte?" She heard one of them ask and her heart pounded as she buried herself further into Ada's coat. The voice was so gruff and so… so cold. She didn't want them to see her, she wasn't ready._

 _What if they weren't going to like her?_

 _What if she wasn't what they wanted?  
_

" _Is this her right here?" A new voice asked and Charlotte couldn't help but notice how close it sounded, much closer than the other. A soft jab to the side caused Charlotte to shriek, turning so quickly she was sure she gave her Auntie a scare._

 _Ada's coat covered a majority of her body and only her eyes could be seen as she held the bottom of the coat to cover herself. The first thing she noticed was the pair of soft blue eyes in front of her and Charlotte couldn't help but notice how sad they looked._

" _Stop it, John." She heard Ada scold and Charlotte's grip loosened as she recognized the man in front of her from the pictures her Auntie and Ada would show her, "She's nervous enough as it is."_

 _John laughed, "Why is she nervous?"_

 _Charlotte shrunk back at the sound of his laugh.  
_

 _It… it was so cold. There was no joy in his laugh._

 _He didn't like her._

 _Charlotte couldn't stop the tears from filling her eyes and she looked up at the other two. Only one seemed to smile at her while the other looked at her, his face cold._

 _Why was everything so cold?_

 _A tear slipped, the hot trail it left burning at the harsh wind._

 _They didn't like her._

* * *

 **Thank you all for being so patient over this much-longer-than-need hiatus and I am hoping to get back to my regular updating schedule.**

 **I hope you all enjoy this chapter and thank you SO MUCH for your reviews! They make my day! :)**

 **Thank you,**

 **ANA**


	5. lull 2

If they were being honest, something that Shelby women rarely weren't, they had no idea why Charlotte refused to look at her brothers. Understandably, the young girl had been nervous to meet her brothers—she hadn't seen them since she was two, how could she not be a little nervous—but it seemed as though she had completely shut down. Finn, on the other hand, was talking excitedly to John, pulling excitedly on his hand as he tried to ask questions about the war and what it was like; John, in response, gave his youngest brother rather short answers as he shot Ada and Pol questioning glances while Tommy and Arthur stood rather stoically, staring at their baby sister with an unreadable expression.

Pol wondered what they were thinking—more specifically, what Tommy was thinking. He had always been a quite boy who kept his true thoughts to himself while Arthur slowly let his emotions bleed through his eyes. She watched the two men carefully, trying to grasp how they were handling the situation, but she found that she couldn't read them anymore. War had changed them and made them into soldiers, and soldiers weren't supposed to be understood.

"Come on, Lottie," Ada tried to coax the younger girl, her voice soft, "Don't you want to say hi to your brothers?"

Charlotte only shook her head, burying her head further into her sister's shoulder, her long hair shaking with the movement, and Ada let out a small huff of exasperation.

"Lottie, they've missed you a lot… don't you think you're hurting their feelings?" Ada pressed, slowly trying to put the small girl onto the ground. Charlotte resisted, tightening her grip on her sister and winding her legs so that no matter how hard she tried, Ada wouldn't be able to put her down.

"I don't want to," Charlotte finally muttered, and Ada glanced at her brothers with pursed lips. Charlotte hadn't been… quite with her confession and Ada only hoped that the little girl's words hadn't hurt her older brothers.

It was hard for Charlotte, Ada knew that—especially with her previous confession. The youngest Shelby was worried that her older brothers wouldn't like her, an idea that Ada found completely and utterly ridiculous, but it was then that it occurred to Ada that, well, Charlotte truly didn't know her brothers. Unlike Finn, who had known them for three more years than Charlotte and had gotten to know their personalities, Charlotte only had blurry memories of people she barely recognized.

"Okay," Ada caved, biting her lower lip as her mind raced with ideas of how to get her little sister to warm up to them, "What if I introduce you to them? Would that work?"

She felt it before she saw it, and Ada inwardly cheered herself for getting Charlotte to look at her. The little girl had a suspicious expression plastered on her face, but Ada could see the small amount of trust behind the caution. Shooting her brothers a warning glance—she could feel them craning their necks to get a glance at their sister—Ada gently began to lower Charlotte to the ground, staying crouched with her when the Charlotte unraveled her legs and placed her Mary Jane's on the ground, standing herself but keeping her head down and her body turned towards Ada, as Ada looked at Tommy, Arthur, and John.

"Who do you want to meet first?" Ada asked, watching as Charlotte's ice blue eyes flicker from the ground to her brothers shoes. Charlotte shrugged, fidgeting with her fingers, and Ada let her think for a moment.

Three brothers, three different personalities, three strangers.

"Can we start with the oldest?" Charlotte's voice was soft and held a purity in it that her brothers had not heard since before the war. It was like soft song of birds, the soft tune of a flute, gentle bells in the wind.

"Of course," Ada nodded, "But you have to look at them when I introduce them, okay?"

Charlotte nodded and turned her body, peering up at the tall men through a curtain of her light, brown hair. Her palms were sweating and her heart was racing, but she stilled herself. Ada had always told her that Shelby's were strong and she was a Shelby—she would be strong. Taking a deep breath, trying to be as quite as possible, she straightened her shoulders, scrunched her nose, and tilted her face up.

Blinking at them, she tilted her head. They were all so different than what she imagined. Even though she had no idea which one was which, she could clearly see the similarity between them. They were all rather tall and two looked rather angry. The one who had poked her, the one who sounded so cold, was giving her a smile and she cautiously sized him up.

"That one's Arthur," Ada began, her finger pointing to the tallest one who had a mustache. His brown eyes contrasted with his facial expression, Charlotte noted, for they seemed to sparkle with joy while his face was set with anger. His hair was a mix between red—she quickly remembered that Ada called it auburn—and brown, "He's named after Father."

"Then there's Tommy." Charlotte followed Ada's finger to where it rested on a slightly shorter man who stood next to Arthur. Arthur and the other one, she noted, seemed to stand behind Tommy, as if he were leading them somewhere. His eyes were colder than Arthur's and his hair was an inky black. He seemed to be the coldest one of them all, "He's the one who sent you the photos of them."

The photos, Charlotte remembered, had been a surprise in their letters. It had been a rather odd afternoon in which Ada had spent time showing Charlotte her older brothers. From what Charlotte could remember, Ada's voice had been quite thick and she kept sniffling. The photos had been placed on the mantle above the fireplace and, while she recognized the men from the photos, she could never seem to remember which one was which. There was no difference to her, they were just photos of people she had once known but never remembered.

"And this one's John," Ada finished, pointing to the one that had poked her, "He may seem like an idiot, but he has moments where he's smart."

Ignoring John's bark of 'hey', Charlotte observed him; noting how his eyes seemed to be filled with mischief and how they reminded her of Finn's. His hair was a softer color and seemed to be the closest to hers. He was also the shortest.

"Arthur, Tommy, and John?" Charlotte repeated, pointing to each brother as she said their name before looking back at Ada to make sure that she had gotten them correct.

"Yeah," She smiled at Ada's praise, a soft blush covering her cheeks, "Those are your brothers."

* * *

 **I know I've been gone and I know that this is short but, I've been thinking of maybe focusing more on the past and slowly building up to the future? Like, have a lull of the past between each chapter. Sorry if this is iffy, I'm trying to get a feel for Charlotte again... I missed her, lol. She's one of my favs.**

 **Thank you for your reviews during my writing drought. A break is coming up so I may be able to get a longer chapter in!**

 **Ana**


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